"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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