I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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