my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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