I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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