Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
