I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
