I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
