just survived the first fart of the relationship.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
