Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
