You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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