Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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