Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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