1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
