I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
