Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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