I think I won the penis lottery.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
