Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Screwed.edu
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
