Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We need to get me chipped asap
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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