The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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