See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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