Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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