I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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