There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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