I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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