Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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