I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
