The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
