If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
someone owes me an orgasm
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
