I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
