is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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