when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
