I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
