Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
