Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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