It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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