We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
