why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
