It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
