i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
