DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
two words: eviction party
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
