just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
