Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
