its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
