so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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