Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
