Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
my poor anus
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
