You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
