just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
