I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Randomize
