Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Less talking, more tequila
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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