my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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